Balancing Act - Part Two

During a presentation on work-life balance, a colleague explained to us that ‘Balance is in the eye of the liver, not the beholder.’ Once we got over the oddly anatomical sound of that statement, and understood she meant the person not the organ, we realized she had something important to tell us.

It’s not for us to look at others and judge whether they are balanced or not. How can we know that? Conversely, we’re the only ones who truly know if our life is working on an even keel. However, sometimes we get so caught up in one aspect of life or another that we don’t notice for ourselves when we are not doing so well on the balance beam. Or, sometimes we feel vaguely unhappy about things, but we really can’t say why.

I think there are some specific reasons for all of this. First, like I wrote last week, we can set ourselves up for failure when we misunderstand balance, thinking it is one specific way of being and not letting ourselves flow with the changes of life. Second, sometimes we aren’t clear about what is important to us, so our decisions take us all over the place. As a result we end up saying ‘yes’ to too many opportunities or to the wrong ones and all of the sudden we find ourselves spending our time on things that aren’t really important to us, though they may look great to others.

Maybe we bought a big house and now find ourselves spending all our time cleaning it and all our money on mortgage and upkeep. If we love everything about home ownership, that will be fine. But what if we don’t? Or you might think that volunteering for a board of a non-profit looks like a good way to give back to the community and find out it’s not at all what you thought and it be comes a burden, just one more thing on the to-do list.

Clarity about our wants and our needs is a first step toward finding true balance. Then you can say ‘no’ to the opportunities that may sound worthwhile but are not where you need to spend your time and energy. That allows you to give your full energy and attention when you say ‘yes’.

And of course, there are always things we need to do that aren’t our favorite – the house has to be cleaned some time, at work things have to be filed or whatever routine tasks come with the job. But, when we are clear about what is important to the job and to ourselves, we make better decisions about the use of our time. We make decisions that help us get the routine done routinely, say ‘no’ appropriately, and, as a result, have time and energy for the things we really love. Now that’s a balanced life in the heart of the liver, not just the eye.

Take care,

Gage

Balancing Act

Balance – it’s an interesting concept and one that we use in a wide variety of ways. As I write this, there’s a cat balanced on my shoulder because she wants to be out and about with us, but she doesn’t wants to play with the dogs. So, I’m trying to balance my need to get this done with her need for companionship in a way that makes her feel safe and secure – hence the sitting on my shoulder.

Bear-Bear, the cat, is 15 years old. For most of her life she was mothered by a large golden retriever, but later she was shaken by a dog and since then she has become more fearful. Some of our five dogs don’t even know she’s out, but a couple of them, one in particular, find her fascinating and their style of play doesn’t work well for this old cat. So we spend our lives trying to meet our responsibilities to them by finding a balance for their respective, mostly incompatible, needs.

Balancing incompatible needs and meeting differing responsibilities – we hear a lot about that these days. It seems to be an unreachable goal and just adds to our feeling that we can’t quite manage it all, because we haven’t found Balance – with that capital B! But in my yoga practice, I’ve learned something important about the concept of balance. To illustrate it, I’ll ask you to take off your shoes and ‘balance’ on one foot. Try to stand there for a while – if you have to rest your hand on something or put your foot down, do, no one is watching. Now pay attention to your standing foot. You’ll begin to notice that your foot isn’t still, the muscles are making constant tiny adjustments, and you can feel yourself shifting slightly to be able to stand on that one foot. Add a heavy wind or minor earthquake and you’d start to feel your entire body adjusting. Balance isn’t static. Balance isn’t a goal I achieve and then I have it forever. Balance is a process. Even when we use it that way calling something a ‘balancing act’ we still think of it as something to achieve not something that is on-going. But keeping our balance is an on-going process.

This week as the holiday season draws to a close and we start the New Year, especially if you have a list of resolutions, perhaps it’s a good time to give ourselves a break and not try to find THE perfect balance point among all the demands in our lives. Remember that standing up takes all sorts of muscles let alone balancing on one foot. So maybe we can be okay with finding a sort of balance today and we’ll work on tomorrow’s balance tomorrow, if we even need to. Maybe we can even be okay with reaching a hand out for help or putting our foot down.

Have fun!

Gage

A New Year's Challenge

Are you thinking about a resolution for New Year’s? Many of us say we don’t, but we still think of the new year as a chance to change things, to get things right, or do things differently. We say we don’t do resolutions because we never keep them. Usually, of course, the problem is that we have too many resolutions because we’re going to ‘fix’ everything this year.

But I have a suggestion for you as a way to support any changes you do want to make this year. It’s something from Julia Cameron’s books and it’s a simple tool though it does take a commitment. The tool is called ‘Morning Pages’. All you need is a spiral notebook or blank filler paper and a pen. Each ‘morning’ you sit down and write out long hand (no computer) until you fill three pages. Fill three pages with what you ask? It doesn’t matter. Just write. About anything, anything at all. It’s whatever is on your mind. Keep your pen moving until you’ve filled through pages.

For some of you the idea of writing like this will make you a little crazy. For folks like me the idea of getting up a half hour early to fit this in will be the stumbling point. But I’ve been doing this for seven or eight years. I haven’t been constant. There have been long stretches of time when I didn’t want to mess with it. But I keep coming back to writing my morning pages. Here are some of the benefits for me when I do Morning Pages faithfully.

• A better start to each day.
• I feel more grounded.
• I accomplish more over time.
• I find answers to questions and solutions to problems.
• I’m more creative.
• I do my job better.
• I live my priorities better.
• I live my values more clearly.

It isn’t really magic, but there are times when it feels as if it were magical. I know that I miss doing the pages when I don’t do them for some reason. I know the ups and downs of life are easier to manage when I am doing them. And I know that I am braver in both my leadership and my creativity when I do my morning pages regularly. If you are looking for a way to keep yourself going on your resolutions or if you want a way to be a bit more creative or any other change you want to make, I have no doubt this tool will help you.

If you are interested in learning more, here’s a site http://paperartstudio.tripod.com/artistsway/id3.html that will help explain it. This is one of those things that you have to try in order to understand, that you have to commit to for a while before you experience the changes. But after all that’s true of any change we want to make isn’t it. It doesn’t cost much, it doesn’t hurt, and you don’t have to give up much (just a little sleep) to start. Already that makes it better than most New Year’s resolutions, doesn’t it? Good luck if you decide to give it a try and either way I hope you have a very Happy New Year!

Gage

Planning vs. Creativity

For years I was a planner; planning is my natural tendency, but my work also required orderly thinking and the ability to manage and design processes. It was important for me to know that I was going to end at point X and to know all of the steps along the way. Then I began to read Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. As I read this book and others I began to broaden my definition of creativity and to understand how the need to plan every detail got in the way of my creativity on two levels.

A breakthrough came when I had the notion for the Creative Leadership Workshop. I had this cool idea for a 12 week workshop for students modeled on The Artist’s Way, but with a different purpose. I wanted to find a way to combine what I was learning about creativity with leadership. It was early August and classes started in just a couple of weeks, so I could work on it during the fall semester and offer the sessions in the spring.

And that’s when I had the truly radical idea that instead of waiting I could do it now! Of course, the planner part of me kicked in with all the reasons that it wouldn’t work to do it this semester, but for once I ignored them. I sketched out the basic ideas and went back to the office ready to try it. So I invited a group of students to participate and 20 of them were brave or crazy enough to give it try. When we started, I had an outline of what we would do though I had no idea which things would work and which were too crazy. The workshop turned out to be an incredible experience and the list of things we all learned is much too long to share here, but part of the reason it worked so well was because there was room for new ideas as we went along. It’s also true that my idea of success was much too limited for what really happened.

So that was the first level of learning – it’s possible for things to work without a plan. Having the outline but not the plan allowed for more learning than I could have imagined.

The second level came when I offered the workshop again. I’ve offered the full workshop three other times, once for staff and twice more for students. The staff group was a great event, but the second and third sessions of the student version were never as amazing as the first. I think it was because I now had a lesson plan; I was reaching for a specific result now. I had told the first group that we were making it up together and that they were part of the creative process so they approached it in that way. It was a truly participative experience. Not having a complete plan allowed others the freedom to be creative too.

Creativity – it takes an odd mix of planning, freedom, openness to other’s ideas and to the possibilities of the moment. So what event might you chose not to plan?

Making Time

This weekend I’ve already made a double batch of chocolate chip cookies and the plan for today includes a double batch of thumbprint cookies – the kind you put jam in. If you know anything about my domestic inclinations (they are few in number), you know that cookie making signals the end of the fall semester. It’s the one time of the year that I find time to bake.

‘Find time to bake.’ It’s such an interesting phrase isn’t it? Equally intriguing is its cousin ‘to make time.’ We hear people wishing for more than 24 hours in the day or saying they don’t have enough time to accomplish everything on their list let alone add something. We also know people who seem to have more time than others, at least based on what they accomplish, and we wonder if they ever sleep.

One of the realities about time that I’ve learned over the years is that we find time for the things that are important to us. But that only works when we are clear about our values, and yes, when we exercise a little self discipline. I have a busy schedule and a long commute and yet you’ll see a dance lesson on my weekly schedule and frequently time out dancing with friends. Dancing is important to me. Reading is important which is why you might find me reading while I blow dry my hair in the morning. My work consumes many hours and time with my husband is important so I try to be sure we find time to do things together even if it’s running errands.

What’s important to you? Do you make sure it fits into your week? Spend a little of that precious time reviewing the way you spend your time and be honest with yourself. When you look at the list, do you say ‘yes, my actions match my values’ or do you realize instead that what you say is important doesn’t match where you spend your time?

Now, what do you want to do about it? What are you willing to change? Where are you willing to ‘make’ time which really means where are you willing to change how you use your time. If you say you don’t have time for exercise, maybe spending less time on Facebook will ‘make’ time for exercise. Spending more time with family could create opportunities for exercise if you spend that time on a bicycle or a walk. At work, you may find that the way you are answering e-mail gets in the way of reading new information on-line. It is different for each of us and does indeed take creativity to make it all work.
Take a little time to make a little time next time you hear yourself saying you can’t find time. While you may not find all the time in the world, you may find you have time enough to do just what is important to you.

Keep making time,

Gage